i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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