I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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