You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
