And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize