Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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