There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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