Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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