yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
