My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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