You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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