What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
worst night to have a conscience
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
