And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
