dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
