So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
