This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
