Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
