my vag is so smooth its legendary
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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