Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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