Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My life is pants optional.
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