The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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