Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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