Jerry, you need to find god
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
