I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
