i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
