whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
