Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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