This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
