she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's official drugs can't kill me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
