I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
