I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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