I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
