My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
