I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
