I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
