I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize