Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
