the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
