the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
