Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
