:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
