ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
