Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
