a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
