Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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