She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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