im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
