I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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