Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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