They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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