he puts the penis in happiness.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
