I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
