Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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