i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
