hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize