Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
