Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
