hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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