Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
