i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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