but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
