your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
