hell yes lets make some ravioli
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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