honey bunches of taint.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
