For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
