Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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