When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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